In preparation for a new training course I am delivering this month, I have been re-reading some excellent books about difficult and crucial conversations. These include Vital Conversations by Alec Grimsley, Crucial Conversations by Patterson et al and How to Deal with Difficult People by Gill Hasson.

Gill Hasson takes you through this tricky topic in a no nonsense way, with chapter headings such as “Difficult people and their difficult behaviour", “Communicating with difficult people and "Standing up to difficult people.” 

All of which I have used to generate discussion and practical interactive experiences in a safe training environment.

However the chapter that most resonated with me on this occasion was the one entitled “Is it you?”
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​Gill points out that difficult people are not always difficult to other people and that sometimes we are part of the problem. 

​A discussion about values and the assumptions we bring into the workplace can often be the starting point for conflict. For example when the other person doesn’t demonstrate those values either deliberately or in ignorance.

​Our responses to these situations can often compound the problem. Either by accepting the situation for now, or indirectly tackling “the problem” through a general discussion or team training in the hope that the one difficult person picks it up.

Sometimes we take a direct confrontational approach and deal with the fallout from that.
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​The best solutions are almost always to do with self-examination.

Why aren’t I happy with this person? 

Does it matter to the results, the team etc? 

Could this person’s differences be good for the organisation?

Then approach with positive expectations. The danger is we often label “difficult” to all aspects of an individual or team’s behaviour and attitude. If you start from a positive stance you might be surprised at how often the individual is performing no worse than other non-problematic staff and, in some case, better.

Tackle the issues in a safe and assertive way that generates discussion and solutions that can often work for both parties. But this takes emotional intelligence, courage and preparation.

This is just one aspect that I cover in my training.

​If you ever wonder “Is it me?”, or know a colleague who might benefit from a day of reflection, training and exposure to new solutions to dealing with difficult conversations, you may be interested to read more about the course here.

In all my management and leadership training courses I recommend a few select books. Usually they are ones that have lived with me for many years and helped me as a senior manager or CEO.

​But the problem with recommending books is that we never get round to reading them. I know because people recommend their favourites to me. Sometimes I buy them. But they stay on an increasingly chaotic shelf in my study or get relegated to my book archive in the garage.

So I have decided to share on an ad hoc basis the essence of key books I use and recommend. I will
concentrate on the points I have put into action in my work so that you can read (in less than 4
minutes) and decide for yourself.

You never know you might even pick up the book and read it in full!

The book whose ideas I am sharing with you now is The New One Minute Manager by Ken
Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. This is a significantly updated version of the original One Minute
Manager books first issued in the 1980’s.

They key action points are;

​The One Minute Manager actions are deceptively simple. 

​Set clear goals. Take the opportunity to praise specific results and actions. Re-direct where necessary and again be very specific. 

When things have gone wrong in the past I can usually trace it back to a lack of clarity in the goal. A failure to encourage sufficiently and a failure to address and redirect behaviour at the earliest opportunity.

I hope you have found the last 4 minutes of use and you can reflect on how the three secrets of ​The One Minute Manager can help you.

I believe we are privileged to work in our sector at this time in society. It can be a struggle, but we know the work of charities at local and national level is vital in helping support, and in many cases, transform individual and family lives. 

In my latest blog for the BVSC I explore how we can cope with the various challenges a new year may bring. And how, with some reflection and planning, we can blossom and radiate the immense pleasure we gain through our work.

Read "Life lessons from an experienced gardener" on Update Brum. 

You have a choice. Book your staff onto an external training course or arrange to have a bespoke course developed and run in-house.

I've found that in the past open courses (external courses) held at training centres were the most popular choice for third sector organisations. However, I've been noticing that charities and social enterprises are increasingly commissioning their own in-house training courses. 

My latest blog for BVSC explores 7 reasons why it's worth considering bringing your charity training courses in-house.

In my latest blog for BVSC's Update Brum I talk about creating a vision in your life and following your dreams.

Would you agree that it's not easy to live your dream?

When I coach and train leaders in the Charity sector I like to ask two questions about their vision. They are guaranteed to make people stop and ponder.

Read my blog in full and see if you can answer them.

It is estimated that nearly 50% of front-line care staff and project officers are on temporary or short-term contracts. This trend over several decades has resulted in a whole generation of workers in the 3rd sector working with little or no job security.

Now, no one is saying that charities are employing on the “Sports Direct” model. But nevertheless this short termism affects staff, clients and the organisation.

A specialist grant body has estimated that role redundancy and termination of individual contracts happens somewhere in the sector every day of the year.

The impact on services and the organisation is almost always negative. Staff start looking for the next job. The more marketable individuals frequently jump ship early. Morale dips and stress increases for those remaining.

But in over 60% of short-term contracts the funder renews the contract!​
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Several enlightened leaders are trying to intervene in this vicious cycle. They are keen to ensure staff are well supported and motivated from day one until the final day (if or when it comes).

One of the tools they use is to hire a career coach to work with groups of staff affected by the end of project. The coach’s object is to help the individuals explore their attitude to change and look at the opportunities, as well as the threats, this brings.

​This can be done by providing support to improve and strengthen individual CVs in preparation for the next round of job applications (internal or external). They can also provide confidence boosting tips and advice to upgrade their interview skills.
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Charities using this technique report higher morale both for the affected staff and the wider organisation. This is because all staff get to see the charities values in action. Values which generally include care and respect for all stakeholders.

They also report reduced early loss of good staff, continued quality of service and a higher standard of preparation for internal recruitment.
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With clear benefits to the organisation charities have the opportunity to build in career coaching at the outset.

​Making provision for such a tool in bids for project funding will further demonstrate the charity's understanding of the value of it's workforce.

​Crucial conversations are at the heart of successful performance management.

​They are increasingly needed more and more. They often feel high risk and can be full of emotion. 
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But the cost of not having them is greater in the long run for the individual, the rest of the team and also the manager.

​One of several techniques I get people to practice at my Hands On Leadership course is called R.A.I.S.E. 

​Here is a brief outline of how to use this technique:

Reason: state your reason for speaking

Advantage: outline one to three advantages for the person you are addressing

In their shoes: acknowledge potential objections they would have

Success: share evidence of previous success (of people taking this on) that will resonate with the person you are talking to
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End: restate your recommendation.

Now imagine you are the White House Communications Director who has the task of recommending a new hair style for the President.  

Use the RAISE technique to see how you might formulate a way through an "impossible" and career threatening conversation. If you are brave enough to have a go, I'd love you to share your scenario with me!

Thankfully most conversations in the workplace are not so dramatic. However, particularly in the privacy of one to one supervision meetings, managers can often opt-out of doing the right thing.

Of all management practices, perhaps the one most shrouded in secrecy is what happens in supervision meetings.

At times it feels like the confidentiality of the confessional. Individuals pass on from manager to manager the sacred rights until they move organisations and have to learn again what happens in a new place.

It is often fascinating listening to clients describe this vital process. Often they have given little conscious thought to it.

"They just happen."

"It is two hours of reporting."

"If we are too busy we cancel."

For others the process can be dominated by a list of set questions driven by an HR department that somehow sucks the life out of what is a well-intentioned opportunity to provide support and development.

​Let's get back to basics. What is the purpose of your supervision/one to ones (or whatever else you call them). 

Bear in mind this purpose can change over time. 

It can have a different emphasis for each individual. 

But by identifying a purpose for the meeting will bring meaning to your meeting. It means they won't get cancelled "just because someone is busy" as they will have a value. The value will also be for both parties involved.

Some of my most satisfying one to ones have been when I learnt to move the description of achievements or non-achievements out of the meeting.  

So many people think they have to fill up the time with a detailed description of what they have done since the last meeting. They have a need to seek validation, or create a detailed context to explain their current performance and challenges.

In most cases this is a waste of both peoples' time and the organisation has lost an opportunity.

Instead, consider initiating a short results driven report two days prior to the supervision meeting. This enables you to give a brief comment on the positive and examine areas for concern.

This should free up the meeting to address two crucial things:
1. What are your current challenges and how are you tackling them?

2. What are your future opportunities and what do you need to do to prepare for them?

With these two "rich" questions you can provide advice, teach or coach depending upon which style works for you.  

You can add in other challenges or opportunities that are driven by you or the organisation's agenda. This can create a space to have crucial conversations that lead to meaningful performance enhancing actions.

"Now. Mr. President about your hair...."

When I set up the senior management team at Sense Community services, every team meeting took a different chapter from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People which stimulated discussion and team bonding.
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I would also recommend;
- One Minute Manager (and the rest of the series) by Ken Blanchard. You can read a book in less than an hour and it effectively distils the essence of good management.

- Drive by Daniel Pink an entertaining and thought-provoking exploration about motivation which will encourage you to think about how you manage and what you delegate.

- Eat that Frog by Brian Tracey which is a classic Time Management book that is still relevant today.
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There are a lot of great TED talks available on YouTube. Personally I find any talk by Simon Sinek insightful.
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More recently I've observed that mentoring and individual coaching are becoming more popular. 

​A number of my clients hire me for a two or three session to tackle a particular skill or experience issue. I've recently been helping a senior manager improve their presentation skills.
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​If you have the time, I'd like to hear about your favourite ways to develop your most valuable asset. You.

How much time do you dedicate to personal development? Is reading a great leadership or management book one of the ways in which you choose to develop your skills?

One of the essential perks of my job as a charity coach, consultant and trainer is that I get the chance to read a lot of great books. These help me develop new skills, enhance my knowledge and broaden my thinking.

In my latest BVSC blog I explain why I think everyone should take time out to read. 

What is it about Christmas that seems to tie in with the most difficult of decisions – to make people redundant?

I have experienced it and I struggled. But, in time, I managed to regroup and become stronger.
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In my latest BVSC blog I share a few thoughts that might help both organisations and individuals at the wrong end of such a decision.

You can read it in full here.